I started this writing again with the attempt to slow life down, to make a little sense of it and or to possibly remember some if any of the moments that happen to make it a enjoyable situation. Hang on Life is Whizzing by.....
Do you know the old saying that you take one step forward and two steps back? This I feel is actually a learning tool used to make humans see the moment or should I say stay in the moment so they can learn from it. I was so trying to be positive in my last post, side stepping the whole "kimmie Situation", which in turn threw it all back up in my face. ( God makes you step back and take inventory of life and the situations that happen, so you can to learn from them.) Well Kimmie landed right in our laps. Like how a baby that is demanding you pay attention to them will just crawl up in your lap and get in your face....O SHE DID THAT!!! My patience was greatly tested and I was beggiing for time to go faster. Ironic huh? It has made me stop and think asking myself many questions....... Are we really doing what is best for these babies? Are we hurting the other kids by caring for these babies? Am I keeping them just for selfish reason? How do we continue on from here to do what is best for these babies? What do we need to do with the Kimmie part of the situation and how?
If you lose your place in a book what do you do? I try to find my place again by starting at the beginning and reviewing until I remember the last thing I read. Sometimes I have actually read farther, but maybe I was distracted and didn't retain all that I had read, so I don't restart as far ahead as I should.. (Did that make sense?) I do the same things when I am trying to figure something out.
Are we really doing what is best for these babies? I believe we are doing what is best for these babies! it is difficult at times and we didn't ask for it, but we have been chosen to be the ones to have their best interest as top priority! (WOW I said it, do I really believe it? I HAVE TO!) After all isn't this what life and all it entails has been molding me to become? Who I really am and what I really believe in? Even Ike has been changed during our journey together to be the person these babies need at this time. Weird, but the Ike from when we first met over 8 years ago could never have handled all of "THIS". The Ike I know and love now still struggles but I don't think he would have even thought to try it back then, let alone jump in as we have.
The other kids in our house....... Alec, Charles, and Caitlin(not Anthony because he is old enough to be on his own and has been, the choice to live here is his and if it was harmful for him he wouldn't have even considered coming back) Are we hurting the other kids by caring for these babies? After thinking about it for several days and watching them as they flow through this house. I have so say NO! We may not have money for the latest newest clothes that can be bought at the mall, but they don't want them any way! (Caitlin got all those clothes from Justice that her mom sent her money for and never really liked them) We have more ............ I think between Ike and I we have blessed our kids that live with us and maybe Kelly too with the love and commitment to each other and to our team we have built. I struggle with wanting to enter the phrase here, our family, but that last word has such negativity to it in my mind. We have combined only certain parts of each of our families and have made our team , oh what is another way to say it, our unit, our house, yeah that is it.... our house, we have more than family in our house we have each other! Our Kids are thriving in our house, being the best they can be. Not to mention we have several of Anthony and Alec's friends that stay here and know they are welcomed to do so on a nightly basis. These boys have full knowledge of our expections of them, they feel very comfortable here and choose to honor us by showing respect to our house.
The outside world would not say that this is the best for these babies... WHY? Because, we do not offer enough square footage for per child standards. This aggrivates me sooo much!! It brings me back to when I was 19 and working for a daycare and thinking about my future. It aggrivated me then that the state worried about how many bathrooms a daycare had per child and how much square footage they offered per child but nothing in regards to if that worker had to have any education. A trash collector has to have a high School Diploma for some companies to employ them and not a GED.This is for the insurance requirements they have to cover them while driving their vehicles. Yet a daycare worker doesn't have to have any requirements, they can be illiterate and care for said child as long as the center has enough square footage. This angers me!!! The state guidelines say we have not enough square footage in our house, but what about in the past when there were families of 14 in a 2 bedroom house. My children are growing up in a better world than a huge house with alot of square footage with maybe only 2 kids. Where both of their parents have to work full time jobs to pay for all that square footage. My kids know how to work together as a team to get things done, even their friends have learned this. We have home cooked meals where we all lend a had to make it happen. We work together to keep our house clean and running smoothly The children of our house have taken these babies in as part of our house(team) and would do anything in their power to make them safe, to encourage them to learn, and for them to know they are loved. How can that NOT be in the babies best interest?
How do we continue on from here to do what is best for these babies? We just keep going, and figure it out as we go. We have to have faith that what is best for these babies will prevail. We continue to love our house and all who are in it and we pray we see what we need to see to continue on in the right directions.
What do we need to do with the "Kimmie" part of the situation and how? I am at a loss here.......So, I will put this out there.... the bible says when three or more join in prayer there is action. If you know the scripture please post a comment and let me know. I just feel the need to put this out there to the world and ask for prayers and for knowledge on how to move forward to care for these babies and live the life that Ike and I have been assigned to live.
Lisa
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Life Whizzes by
Well, as you can see I haven't been here in a while. I thought with my birthday coming up that I needed to try a change. I need a place to put an everyday insight into Adyen and Brady. I also need to voice the many things that ramble through my head. I loved English Comp. while I was doing Colllege, so I thought I should start here again.
UPDATE: Mom is still alive I lived with her for about 19 months and could no longer take it. Her view on life is a very negative one and that is something I strive to stay away from. Since moving out my niece Danielle has moved in so I do not worry in regards to her any longer.
At this point my husband Ike and I have a home in which we share with many. Starting with the youngest two who happen to be grandchildren Brady (5 months) and Ayden (2 years), my boys Anthony(20 years), Alecxander(16 years),two of my husbands children Charles(12 years), Caitlin (11 years), plus I need to mention my son's friends that are here pretty much 24/7 when they are off work Sam and David. That is an average of 8-10 people in my house, and I wouldn't want it any other way! I love all the busy ness of the house but this also makes life whiz by at quatum speed!
In about a week is my birthday, how did that get here so quickly? Easter is about a month away. Ayden and Caitlin had birthday about 2 weeks ago. WOW! How can I make it all slow down? Ayden and Brady have gotten side tracked on a their sleeping schedule which really doesn't help either. The rest of the house has ironically adopted this new routine. The boys go to bed about 3 am and sleep all day. Now for the kids that have to go to school they come home and take a nap so they can stay up late also. Today, Ayden got up at 8:30 am and didn't have a nap until 7 pm. I think at this point Ike might actually have him asleep. Brady fell asleep right before I started typing this . He isn't the problem though he can sleep or hang out quietly in his bed with no problem until he is hungry or needs a diaper change. Then he doesn't even yell he says maaaaa maaaa which wakes me up. He has never really yelled or cried he says maa maa if he wants attention. I will explain in another blog how he and Ayden came to live with us. I like sleeping all day and being awake at night. I was born at 9 in the evening so I thing it has been etched on my hard drive to do so. Even as a kid I loved staying up all night during the summer and have always night owl. When I had divorced my ex, my boys and I enjoyed night living as well. My bedroom is completely dark during they day which makes it all the more easy to do. At night the world is a more peaceful/quiet place. It seems slower, although it actually isn't. Sleeping while the rest of the world hustles around makes it difficult to participate in that world. At times that can be a great advantage, but a disadvantage also.
Advantage: Getting out of the house at 3 am to go to walmart. Less likely to run into someone know , this is beneficial cause my husband hates when I see someone and stand there to catch up with them and how they have been. You can't run into walmart and not see someone you know unless it is at 3 am. and even then you run across a few people but its 3 am and so they understand why you are there at that time. Another good reason is I don't have to really dress to day time standards or worry about someone seeing me however I may be dressed. This does however make me worryful about looking through the website photos on PEOPLE OF WALMART and possibly seeing myself and my family in the photos. Always a worry!
Disadvantage: You as a person kind of fall off the worldwide radar. This can suck!
The world whizzes on with no regard for you .
(as I wrote the last statement Brady started to whine maaa,and then I smelt why. So know that I have changed his diaper and settled him back down i am at a loss. Totally sidetracked I am feeling like the dog in the movie UP.....SQUIRREL!
Ideas for future blogs:
Grands-how they came here
college
Who am I and why?
what I would love to do
trying coupons
maybe i should continue on tomorrow
Lisa
UPDATE: Mom is still alive I lived with her for about 19 months and could no longer take it. Her view on life is a very negative one and that is something I strive to stay away from. Since moving out my niece Danielle has moved in so I do not worry in regards to her any longer.
At this point my husband Ike and I have a home in which we share with many. Starting with the youngest two who happen to be grandchildren Brady (5 months) and Ayden (2 years), my boys Anthony(20 years), Alecxander(16 years),two of my husbands children Charles(12 years), Caitlin (11 years), plus I need to mention my son's friends that are here pretty much 24/7 when they are off work Sam and David. That is an average of 8-10 people in my house, and I wouldn't want it any other way! I love all the busy ness of the house but this also makes life whiz by at quatum speed!
In about a week is my birthday, how did that get here so quickly? Easter is about a month away. Ayden and Caitlin had birthday about 2 weeks ago. WOW! How can I make it all slow down? Ayden and Brady have gotten side tracked on a their sleeping schedule which really doesn't help either. The rest of the house has ironically adopted this new routine. The boys go to bed about 3 am and sleep all day. Now for the kids that have to go to school they come home and take a nap so they can stay up late also. Today, Ayden got up at 8:30 am and didn't have a nap until 7 pm. I think at this point Ike might actually have him asleep. Brady fell asleep right before I started typing this . He isn't the problem though he can sleep or hang out quietly in his bed with no problem until he is hungry or needs a diaper change. Then he doesn't even yell he says maaaaa maaaa which wakes me up. He has never really yelled or cried he says maa maa if he wants attention. I will explain in another blog how he and Ayden came to live with us. I like sleeping all day and being awake at night. I was born at 9 in the evening so I thing it has been etched on my hard drive to do so. Even as a kid I loved staying up all night during the summer and have always night owl. When I had divorced my ex, my boys and I enjoyed night living as well. My bedroom is completely dark during they day which makes it all the more easy to do. At night the world is a more peaceful/quiet place. It seems slower, although it actually isn't. Sleeping while the rest of the world hustles around makes it difficult to participate in that world. At times that can be a great advantage, but a disadvantage also.
Advantage: Getting out of the house at 3 am to go to walmart. Less likely to run into someone know , this is beneficial cause my husband hates when I see someone and stand there to catch up with them and how they have been. You can't run into walmart and not see someone you know unless it is at 3 am. and even then you run across a few people but its 3 am and so they understand why you are there at that time. Another good reason is I don't have to really dress to day time standards or worry about someone seeing me however I may be dressed. This does however make me worryful about looking through the website photos on PEOPLE OF WALMART and possibly seeing myself and my family in the photos. Always a worry!
Disadvantage: You as a person kind of fall off the worldwide radar. This can suck!
The world whizzes on with no regard for you .
(as I wrote the last statement Brady started to whine maaa,and then I smelt why. So know that I have changed his diaper and settled him back down i am at a loss. Totally sidetracked I am feeling like the dog in the movie UP.....SQUIRREL!
Ideas for future blogs:
Grands-how they came here
college
Who am I and why?
what I would love to do
trying coupons
maybe i should continue on tomorrow
Lisa
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
A dip and a curve in my path
I won! Well yes, I won the planner that Allison offered! woohoo!
Stubborn,
Why must I be a child of a parent who is stubborn? Well I could blame it on her being part American Indian and part Irish, or I could say it is her age and she is not going to change. Either way, I HAVE to deal with this. I love my mom dearly, but she is stubborn. Ironically my husband laughs at me when I complain about this because he claims I am the same way. My mom's birthday was yesterday, she turned 69 years old. For her birthday I told her she couldn't continue the way things are. It scares me to know what I know, but it hurts my heart to think of the reality that I don't know. So here on mom's birthday we both, as stubborn as we are start a new journey together. So many questions flood through my thoughts as I try to process what is actually happenning. Simple things, or should I say things that I take for granted, she can't do. Her vision is to the point she can't read. Let alone all of the known medical problems that she has and has actually admitted to me. Ironically starting the Sunday 7 was just the first step to the rest of my life. I started working on procrastinating, cooking nightly dinners at home that I had planned out ahead of time for budget reason, working on sending love and hope out to the ones that hurt me most, and praying to god daily. Who would have thought that this foundation is one that I would need so deeply to be capable of taking the next step on my journey,........my mom. I need to be more structured as I start on this next step, or life will be overwhelming. I plan on continuing this blog to help me mentally sort out where I need to be, how I need to get there and why. Nothing that is before me is unattainable, I just need need to focus clearly on my basic Sunday7 to guide me to reaching my goals,
God grant me serenity........looks like a good addition where to start, I will need it.
Stubborn,
Why must I be a child of a parent who is stubborn? Well I could blame it on her being part American Indian and part Irish, or I could say it is her age and she is not going to change. Either way, I HAVE to deal with this. I love my mom dearly, but she is stubborn. Ironically my husband laughs at me when I complain about this because he claims I am the same way. My mom's birthday was yesterday, she turned 69 years old. For her birthday I told her she couldn't continue the way things are. It scares me to know what I know, but it hurts my heart to think of the reality that I don't know. So here on mom's birthday we both, as stubborn as we are start a new journey together. So many questions flood through my thoughts as I try to process what is actually happenning. Simple things, or should I say things that I take for granted, she can't do. Her vision is to the point she can't read. Let alone all of the known medical problems that she has and has actually admitted to me. Ironically starting the Sunday 7 was just the first step to the rest of my life. I started working on procrastinating, cooking nightly dinners at home that I had planned out ahead of time for budget reason, working on sending love and hope out to the ones that hurt me most, and praying to god daily. Who would have thought that this foundation is one that I would need so deeply to be capable of taking the next step on my journey,........my mom. I need to be more structured as I start on this next step, or life will be overwhelming. I plan on continuing this blog to help me mentally sort out where I need to be, how I need to get there and why. Nothing that is before me is unattainable, I just need need to focus clearly on my basic Sunday7 to guide me to reaching my goals,
God grant me serenity........looks like a good addition where to start, I will need it.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
The First Step
Life, it is a swirling fast movement, it goes on whether you participate or not. This is my first step to participating in my LIFE. Allison Dalke has a blogg where she herself does a Sunday 7. In this blog she also encouraged her readers to try implementing this Sunday 7 in their own life to enrich or change their own lifestyle. The following is a post I submitted to her blogg to start my journey and to hopefully win a prize from Allison's blogg.
~~~Well this is my second try at posting this tonight, the first time ended in tragedy with it being lost into the internet unknown. {although it would be easier to say i'll do it later and forget it} See my Greatest struggle is with procrastination and maybe the Sunday 7 is how I can over come this......After all every journey starts with a step.....
1.Faith} I will pray personally daily to seek God's guidance and Strength with procrastinating.
2.Family}IN my family it's seems I blink and I have missed so much. There are 5 other people in this house, and this week I plan to daily have a "us moment" with a different family member to try to reconnect and preserve a moment of time even if it is little.
3.Relationships} This is an ongoing struggle. This week I will work to keep thoughts positive toward people that have hurt my heart. God loves unconditionally and I need to remember this when handling these relationships in my life and not let the devil win. I read a quote once~ Those that need Love the most sometimes deserve it the least.
4.Work}I need to Follow Through. Each day take one step toward this and be happy with the step instead of beating my self up for not achieving instant greatness. (To Grow Bamboo takes many years with the last six weeks being the 2nd most important step.... the 1st most important step is to plant the seeds initially.)
5.Health & Health}Eat more balanced home cooked meals. Monday plan out weekly dinner menu before shopping on tuesday. Also get back on schedule for taking meds on set time schedule. {AKA again stop procrastinating}
6.Finance} Redorganise/update Bill Binder to determine actual outlook. Plan how to advance toward getting bigger house.
7.Down Time} Achieve 3 different times where it is me and my IPOD for needed chillaxing.
Thank you Allison for encouraging me to metaphorically plant some Bamboo seeds.
Lisa~~GeruvyMe
Now after having to complete this task twice I realised that it wasn't actually Allison telling me "hey you need to do this", but it was god giving me a heads up. So I ask whomever may read this, to please say a simple prayer of encouragement that I have the strength to do this. I know that when many reach out to god in prayer there is strength. So this is my first step to the living of my life...........
Lisa
GeruvyMe
(pronounced Gerroovy Me!)
~~~Well this is my second try at posting this tonight, the first time ended in tragedy with it being lost into the internet unknown. {although it would be easier to say i'll do it later and forget it} See my Greatest struggle is with procrastination and maybe the Sunday 7 is how I can over come this......After all every journey starts with a step.....
1.Faith} I will pray personally daily to seek God's guidance and Strength with procrastinating.
2.Family}IN my family it's seems I blink and I have missed so much. There are 5 other people in this house, and this week I plan to daily have a "us moment" with a different family member to try to reconnect and preserve a moment of time even if it is little.
3.Relationships} This is an ongoing struggle. This week I will work to keep thoughts positive toward people that have hurt my heart. God loves unconditionally and I need to remember this when handling these relationships in my life and not let the devil win. I read a quote once~ Those that need Love the most sometimes deserve it the least.
4.Work}I need to Follow Through. Each day take one step toward this and be happy with the step instead of beating my self up for not achieving instant greatness. (To Grow Bamboo takes many years with the last six weeks being the 2nd most important step.... the 1st most important step is to plant the seeds initially.)
5.Health & Health}Eat more balanced home cooked meals. Monday plan out weekly dinner menu before shopping on tuesday. Also get back on schedule for taking meds on set time schedule. {AKA again stop procrastinating}
6.Finance} Redorganise/update Bill Binder to determine actual outlook. Plan how to advance toward getting bigger house.
7.Down Time} Achieve 3 different times where it is me and my IPOD for needed chillaxing.
Thank you Allison for encouraging me to metaphorically plant some Bamboo seeds.
Lisa~~GeruvyMe
Now after having to complete this task twice I realised that it wasn't actually Allison telling me "hey you need to do this", but it was god giving me a heads up. So I ask whomever may read this, to please say a simple prayer of encouragement that I have the strength to do this. I know that when many reach out to god in prayer there is strength. So this is my first step to the living of my life...........
Lisa
GeruvyMe
(pronounced Gerroovy Me!)
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