I started this writing again with the attempt to slow life down, to make a little sense of it and or to possibly remember some if any of the moments that happen to make it a enjoyable situation. Hang on Life is Whizzing by.....
Do you know the old saying that you take one step forward and two steps back? This I feel is actually a learning tool used to make humans see the moment or should I say stay in the moment so they can learn from it. I was so trying to be positive in my last post, side stepping the whole "kimmie Situation", which in turn threw it all back up in my face. ( God makes you step back and take inventory of life and the situations that happen, so you can to learn from them.) Well Kimmie landed right in our laps. Like how a baby that is demanding you pay attention to them will just crawl up in your lap and get in your face....O SHE DID THAT!!! My patience was greatly tested and I was beggiing for time to go faster. Ironic huh? It has made me stop and think asking myself many questions....... Are we really doing what is best for these babies? Are we hurting the other kids by caring for these babies? Am I keeping them just for selfish reason? How do we continue on from here to do what is best for these babies? What do we need to do with the Kimmie part of the situation and how?
If you lose your place in a book what do you do? I try to find my place again by starting at the beginning and reviewing until I remember the last thing I read. Sometimes I have actually read farther, but maybe I was distracted and didn't retain all that I had read, so I don't restart as far ahead as I should.. (Did that make sense?) I do the same things when I am trying to figure something out.
Are we really doing what is best for these babies? I believe we are doing what is best for these babies! it is difficult at times and we didn't ask for it, but we have been chosen to be the ones to have their best interest as top priority! (WOW I said it, do I really believe it? I HAVE TO!) After all isn't this what life and all it entails has been molding me to become? Who I really am and what I really believe in? Even Ike has been changed during our journey together to be the person these babies need at this time. Weird, but the Ike from when we first met over 8 years ago could never have handled all of "THIS". The Ike I know and love now still struggles but I don't think he would have even thought to try it back then, let alone jump in as we have.
The other kids in our house....... Alec, Charles, and Caitlin(not Anthony because he is old enough to be on his own and has been, the choice to live here is his and if it was harmful for him he wouldn't have even considered coming back) Are we hurting the other kids by caring for these babies? After thinking about it for several days and watching them as they flow through this house. I have so say NO! We may not have money for the latest newest clothes that can be bought at the mall, but they don't want them any way! (Caitlin got all those clothes from Justice that her mom sent her money for and never really liked them) We have more ............ I think between Ike and I we have blessed our kids that live with us and maybe Kelly too with the love and commitment to each other and to our team we have built. I struggle with wanting to enter the phrase here, our family, but that last word has such negativity to it in my mind. We have combined only certain parts of each of our families and have made our team , oh what is another way to say it, our unit, our house, yeah that is it.... our house, we have more than family in our house we have each other! Our Kids are thriving in our house, being the best they can be. Not to mention we have several of Anthony and Alec's friends that stay here and know they are welcomed to do so on a nightly basis. These boys have full knowledge of our expections of them, they feel very comfortable here and choose to honor us by showing respect to our house.
The outside world would not say that this is the best for these babies... WHY? Because, we do not offer enough square footage for per child standards. This aggrivates me sooo much!! It brings me back to when I was 19 and working for a daycare and thinking about my future. It aggrivated me then that the state worried about how many bathrooms a daycare had per child and how much square footage they offered per child but nothing in regards to if that worker had to have any education. A trash collector has to have a high School Diploma for some companies to employ them and not a GED.This is for the insurance requirements they have to cover them while driving their vehicles. Yet a daycare worker doesn't have to have any requirements, they can be illiterate and care for said child as long as the center has enough square footage. This angers me!!! The state guidelines say we have not enough square footage in our house, but what about in the past when there were families of 14 in a 2 bedroom house. My children are growing up in a better world than a huge house with alot of square footage with maybe only 2 kids. Where both of their parents have to work full time jobs to pay for all that square footage. My kids know how to work together as a team to get things done, even their friends have learned this. We have home cooked meals where we all lend a had to make it happen. We work together to keep our house clean and running smoothly The children of our house have taken these babies in as part of our house(team) and would do anything in their power to make them safe, to encourage them to learn, and for them to know they are loved. How can that NOT be in the babies best interest?
How do we continue on from here to do what is best for these babies? We just keep going, and figure it out as we go. We have to have faith that what is best for these babies will prevail. We continue to love our house and all who are in it and we pray we see what we need to see to continue on in the right directions.
What do we need to do with the "Kimmie" part of the situation and how? I am at a loss here.......So, I will put this out there.... the bible says when three or more join in prayer there is action. If you know the scripture please post a comment and let me know. I just feel the need to put this out there to the world and ask for prayers and for knowledge on how to move forward to care for these babies and live the life that Ike and I have been assigned to live.
Lisa
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